Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Christmas Has Past --

And it was one of the bloody worst holidays I can remember.  Now, you must keep in mind, that when my children were small, I can barely remember a holiday where one or the other of my children didn't have an earache or a sore throat or a cough or some form of respiratory misery.   But, this year was our first to spend in the emergency room.

Our holiday season began quite well.  We were invited to several "events" with my daughter, her husband and their small daughter affectionately known as Bean.  Not her real name, although it probably should be, long story, another time.  Anyway, we saw Santa, we ate out several times, we went to the Gaylord to see the lights and decorations, we were zipping merrily through the holidays and doing quite well.  Nobody was completely exhausted yet and things were getting done at a nice pace. Our weekly Advent lessons were anticipated and enjoyed. Moving on to Christmas Eve morning.  I was chatting with DD on the phone when she said something along the lines of "OMG, she's cracked her head open, gotta go".  Next phone call, was "how do I stop bleeding".  Next phone call, "what do I do if it won't stop".  Next phone call "why won't that damn ambulance get here".  Next phone call " we are in the ambulance, meet you at Cooks".  I finally got around to asking how large the cut was -- 1/2 inch but deep.  Five stitches in that tiny forehead.  The most unfashionable of bandages -- didn't go with the gorgeous Christmas dress at all but it did  make her look like she had bangs/fringe.  Have I mentioned that I am a nervous person? But, I don't flinch at blood so I'm all good -- sort of.

Church was fine although we were all shaken up.  The children's service is  always great fun -- it is so interesting to hear the children participate in the service.  Bean was in the middle of the fray so she was up for the challenge.

Didn't sleep too well that night, just worried but then, it is what I do best so there you go.  Christmas Day was spent at home with the kids coming over in the evening.  Our son didn't join us -- can't remember why, oh yes, I can,  never mind -- nothing unexpected here.  There was gift opening and a fantastic honey baked ham obviously cooked by somebody other than myself. The birthday cake for Jesus was good even though it is clear  that I can't write with frosting!  It was a good time.  Didn't sleep well that night -- oh yes, the mountain cedar is alive and well and pollinating profusely.  That will do it.

Monday and Tuesday brought us house guests in the form of DD, Bean and SIL.  Their heater was acting up and we had had a cold snap so they had an extended vacation with us -- great for us, not so swell for them.  Tuesday was spent with Hubs and I helping them out while they dealt with the heater people who don't seem to know much about heaters even though they are a large, well known company with really big trucks.  All of that was compounded by a gas leak at the meter -- gas company was out in a flash, took care of it and it was pronounced fixed.  The second heater guy was good -- it is fixed -- they are warm and all is good.  You probably haven't guessed that I am a nervous person.

So, that brings us to last night -- I was completely wrung out -- even a seasoned "nervous person" has their limits.  I have done a lot of soul searching and have made some New Year's Resolutions already.  After 61 years of holiday mania, family drama, striving for "perfection" and always failing in somebody's eyes, I am done.  Passing the baton so to speak.  I have officially become the Grandma that visits.  I will bring the bowl of potato salad or not.  I will help clean the kitchen or not.  Or I will sit home, watch my favorite movie with the Hubs and drink hot tea.  Whatever happens I will be living in the season, not of the season.  I have moved past the trappings of accepted and expected frivolity.  I will not be coerced or cajoled into doing things I don't want to do.  I will throw away every Christmas ad when they begin arriving in, what is it now, July?  I will participate when I want and send everybody good wishes when I don't.

I am tired and this rant will probably mellow over the next few months but I am serious -- I am  done.