Well, I thought the morning would be better. Yesterday was sad. The day before yesterday was sad. I thought I would have put it all into perspective by this morning but not so.
Having a bad day is one thing. We all do it. Sometimes they just come out of the blue. You wake up and things are fine and then something happens and it is officially a bad day. It doesn't even have to be something big.
However, my cousin's daughter had to schedule her official bad day, and that is putting it so mildly it is almost insulting. Today she gets to disconnect her husband's ventilator. I have had to do this and it is the most gut wrenching thing that I have ever had to do. My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family today. Death is hard -- doing what she has to do is harder.
And then, there is Bruce. Bruce isn't doing well. The radiation treatment helped but the chemo has not. The tumor has grown and spread. They have been looking for another clinical trial but he doesn't fit the criteria. Apparently most clinical trials require that the patient has at least 16 weeks to live and they meet certain physical ability standards. He does neither. Hospice has been called in and the hope is that they can just take him home to wait out the next 4 to 5 weeks that he is on this earth.
There are just no words for the overwhelming sadness.