Trying to Get Normal

Normal -- what is that even?  I don't know that there is such a thing as normal since there are probably as many "normals" as there are people.  However, for me, what my life has been since mid-December is definitely NOT normal.  And I am not happy about it.  It has been implied that I am being selfish but I don't think so.

Since we partially moved in mid-December we have had a few glitches along the way which have made it much more difficult than it should have been. 

In the first place, not trusting the moving company, I chose to pack and move by car many boxes.  That was a mistake.  The movers were excellent and I should have just let them take everything.  I should have let them PACK everything.  There won't be a "next move" but if there was I would do things differently in that respect.

Then as I was trying to unpack and plan for Christmas I was slapped upside the head by the flu.  After about week three I was wondering if I was ever going to get over it.  I am still wondering because I don't feel 100% even yet.

Then my mother in law took a turn for the worst and wound up in the hospital in a rapid decline.  I was totally freaked out because the emergency room was completely full -- the hospital was full, actually -- of flu patients.  In the ER they had the gurneys lined up two deep against the walls and in one part of the waiting room.  They were masking everybody and I never felt more exposed in all my life.

My MIL was a week in the hospital when they finally moved her to hospice where she spent less than 24 hours before going home to glory.  That was the easy part.

Then came planning the funeral and burial.  I will tell you that dealing with the military is not an easy task.  She is buried in a national cemetery with her husband but it was a two week wait for the burial and another week for us to have a memorial service which will be this Saturday.  There has been much communication between my husband and the funeral home (she purchased a funeral in 1977!) and the cemetery.  They can't seem to get the names spelled correctly which has been a real source of aggravation for my husband.  Hopefully that has been resolved but not sure.  And the paperwork has been ridiculous but thankfully, in this day and age, it was able to be done electronically and we didn't have to make an extra trip there to get it all tied up.

Then, because this event is out of town (nobody lives there anymore, everybody is scattered) and happening right before lunch, we needed to make plans for lunch for everybody.  The immediate family numbers 33.  Yes, you read that right -- immediate family = 33.  That is children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  There are 5 nieces and nephews coming as well.  There is one restaurant that we know of that could accommodate a party that large so we set about booking it.  Their guidelines are very rigid.  We had to choose a menu because ordering off the regular menu is not allowed.  We have gone round and round trying to plan this gathering.  Honestly, it has been the hardest part.

So, why has it been implied that I am being selfish?  Because I am a tad upset about not being finished moving or being done with unpacking.  I guess it appears that I am thinking about myself and not about the family's loss.  That isn't true but I am finding that the older I get being surrounded by clutter and disorder gives me great anxiety.  I still have boxes stacked up that I am trying to empty but it is a slow go on my own and now I have many of my mother in law's boxes to deal with as well. For every box I unpack, three more come in the door! It will improve this weekend as I deliver boxes of earthly possessions to her children but for now I am just a bit annoyed that my house still looks like moving and storage.  Also, I have asked my husband to relocate some things he unceremoniously dumped on my kitchen counter and he hasn't done it yet (about three weeks ago I asked) because he is trying to help somebody spell his name -- it isn't difficult. 

Hubs has assured me that next week all will be different -- we will be back on track and we can get back on our usual routine.  I am not sure I remember what that was but I do know that I have a lot of appointments to reschedule so I guess I will be doing a lot of that stuff.  And moving.  Some more.

Oh, did I mention that my seasonal allergies have kicked in?

Is it too late for Bah-humbug?