I Am Not Sure When it Happened .....

but, I have changed.

I am a child of the 50's -- you know, that perfect decade where all women vacuumed in high heels and pearls and children could run free without fear.

I am a teenager of the 60's -- you know, the perfect generation even with all the social discord and inequities and drugs but wonderful clothes and music which drove most of our parents to distraction and practically the poor house.

I was never a "flower child".  I was too busy being cute in preppy clothes and since I didn't seem to be able to grow long, gloriously straight hair it seemed pointless to try.  I did try being "mod" and would layer white eyeliner over blue eyeliner (thanks Maybelline!) and I tried my hand at asymmetrical hair cuts.

The 70's found me in the professional world which I didn't do very well, fashion wise, a wedding dress which I did quite well and for the rest of the decade I was in maternity or mommy clothes.

Everything after that was a blur.  I seemed to have completely lost my identity.  I can't remember what I did, other than Mommy things, or what I wore.

Now here I am -- 63 years old and suddenly discovering a "new" me.  I am a late bloomer -- now I am becoming a flower child -- environmentally that is -- not particularly politically -- I am too religious to think politically -- they don't seem to go together very well.  I digress.  I don't know what to do with this new found me.

I don't even know when it happened.  I could feel it coming on a few years ago when the news about plastics leaked (sorry for the pun) out. Then I started reading about the toxins in our everyday world -- things I had been exposed to all my life.  Then I thought about my children -- how much had I exposed them to toxic things never realizing.  The guilt was a little overwhelming.  I watched my parents pass away due to self inflicted diseases -- they were life-long smokers -- how could they do that, how could their addictions be more important than me -- how did their smoking affect me long term.  I started changing everything in our lives -- my husband's head was spinning.

 Then I got the diagnosis -- you know, the one everybody dreads.  You know, the one that seems to be more and more common and suddenly my interest in our environment -- generally and personally -- was tantamount. Nobody knows what happened with me.  I was asked if I smoked or lived in a smoking home -- well, yes, for twenty two years.  I got "the look", the nod and info duly noted.

So, since that little life altering event I have done a lot of major changes.  I have taken to buying more and more organic food.  I have just about completely cut sugar out of my diet and am eating more fruits and vegetables -- almost to the point of being vegetarian.  I have tossed all my cosmetics and skin care and have replaced these items with organic items -- most of which I can eat.

Good as skin moisturizer and to pop popcorn

good for facial masques and for burns

Good in granola and on your face

 

Ok -- don't eat this

 My household cleaning items consists of soap/water, baking soda and vinegar.  I make my own laundry soap and am planning to making my own dishwashing soap next week.   I am completely aware of everything I put on my body as well as in my body.  My husband isn't sure of all of this -- especially since I refuse to use his favorite Dawn dishwashing detergent  but I do allow it in the kitchen.

I have been doing all I can to increase my exercise without actually exercising, although some of that is going to start happening as well.  I bought a pedometer and now count my steps throughout my day.

If, late in the day, I don't feel as if I have walked enough, I have a "track" through my open concept house that I walk-- it is 100 steps around it so I just do several of those.  I was so stiff this morning that I did a few laps just to walk through the pain and loosen up -- it worked.

These are all things that have changed about me.  I have become more thoughtful about what I do and how I spend my time.  I have become acutely aware of what we, as humans, do to our environment and to ourselves and it is totally frightening.  I have, as a result, gone back to doing things like we used to do them when I was a child.  I wash more dishes by hand (little bit of exercise there), I bake our bread by a recipe that I mix with a spoon, not a bread machine--great upper body exercise.  I have regressed.  I have walked away from our modern, advanced life in many ways.  I watch less tv and read more books.  I have cut down on computer time and sleep more.

And, what have I got for all of this?  Am I healthier? I would like to think so.  Am I more socially aware?  Oh yes.  Am I richer?  Monetarily -- in a way because doing things the way I am doing them is cheaper.  I am not buying expensive cosmetics and skin care or cleaning items.

The things, however, that I have gotten from all of this is doing things the "old" way keeps us moving.  Using non toxic products and a little elbow grease won't hurt us.  If using less toxic cosmetics mean we use less and look more like ourselves-- so be it.   I have learned that less is truly more.  By feeling like I am doing something positive for myself, my family and those around me I feel calm.  I am not obsessing over things anymore.  I am not anxiety ridden anymore.  I am not frightened anymore and I am able to "live and let live".  I don't worry one whit about what people think about me or what I do or how I think.  I am focused on "paying it forward".  I haven't figured out how to do that on a large scale and maybe that is because it isn't supposed to be done on a large scale -- maybe it is the little things that count.  I don't know but that is my goal -- to pay it forward.  It is my purpose in life now, aside from my family, to do what little good I can for others and trying to reduce my carbon footprint is one of those ways.

Yes, I think I have become a flower child.  I wonder if I should try, once again, to grow long, glorious hair?