Friday, October 17, 2014

Sad Day

Yesterday was a sad day.  I had a falling out with a family member.  It was over nothing -- a meaningless subject.  Somebody's temper flared -- not mine -- and somebody was yelling at me in all caps on the computer.  Somebody was issuing orders to me about what I could and could not talk about.  Somebody flopped his/her big foot into my personal space.

A year and a half ago I had a health "adventure" and I decided then to make a few changes in my life.  I decided to eat healthy and clean -- something I am still working on due to the call of the muse cookie.  I decided to get more sleep. I decided to live a more natural life, get rid of plastic, let my hair grow, give up makeup, quit striving to aspire to the "expected" and quit being a sheep. I decided to quit worrying about things I couldn't change. I decided to do what I wanted to do and not what other people expected me to do.  I am 64 years old and have spent the majority of my life doing what others wanted/needed/expected or just demanded. It was time for me. 

Part of that, unfortunately, means getting rid of toxic people.  Now, by that I mean toxic to me.  One lesson we learn as children is that "not everybody is going to like everybody else".  Sometimes people just don't click.  That doesn't mean that they aren't good people or wouldn't be a good "friend" fit for others -- just not me.

So, I have a family member that I have never met face to face but we have a phone/email relationship and have had for years.  This person finds it perfectly appropriate to tease me about my age mercilessly.  This person also finds it acceptable to let me know that my place of residence (Texas) is substandard as a dwelling place because of the climate.  This person can't let it go.  It is constant and never-ending. If I say something that this person doesn't agree with -- which is a lot -- I am bombared by demands in all caps -- the computer version of yelling.

Yesterday a benign conversation about safes turned into a screaming match and I was appalled.  The conversation included the name of a popular talk show host that this person seems to have strong negative feelings about and I mentioned the name.  The family member went ballistic.  At this point I thought about my new "rules" for myself -- no toxic people.

Family member went on a verbal rampage telling me that when he/she says to stop talking about something I better stop and that  my conversations are too pushy.  So, I decided to relieve said family member's misery and I have departed from the conversation -- now and forever.

Unreasonable?  Probably but my goal is to keep my stress levels down and I didn't understand all the concern about a talk show host who I don't even listen to because I am not a fan and even if I was I don't have time! I didn't like being yelled at and ordered about.  I am a gentle person who feels that everybody has a right to an opinion -- even me -- and my opinion is that I don't like being yelled at or bossed around.

I understand that this person has health issues as well and a lot of physical pain.  For that, I am sorry but again, I also don't enjoy being on the receiving end of so much anger.  I don't feel it is good for me. So, I wish this person well but I have to take care of myself and reducing my stress level is part of it and if that doesn't set well, I apologize.  

Jumping off soap box now.


Jane and Chris said...

Well done!
I got rid of a toxic family member as his behaviour was totally unacceptable...and life is sweeter without him. He became a blog I no longer allowed anonymous comments.He has put nasty things about me on his website,that shows for all the world to see, the behaviour I do not wish to witness.
Jane x

Boyett-Brinkley said...

Jane -- there was a time when I wouldn't do it but not anymore. And I feel no guilt whatsoever. I have come to realize that part of respecting yourself is not allowing others to treat you disrespectfully regardless of who they are. I mean, if you don't stand up for yourself, who will....right? I am sorry about your toxic person but you did the right thing as well.

JLS Hall said...

I am so sorry you had to go through all that, Cuzzie! You are much better off without said family member. Plenty of us left who love and respect you. You did the right thing!

Boyett-Brinkley said...

JLSHall -- :)

Frugally challenged said...

That sounds like a really painful row to have, especially when it's a family member, however distant. Sometimes we just have to do these things for our own well-being - as you say the relationship was toxic. Look after yourself.

Boyett-Brinkley said...

Thanks, Mary! Good advice.

Unknown said...

Sometimes one of the kindest things we can do is to give someone a little distance. Bonnie

Boyett-Brinkley said...

I agree, Bonnie.