Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Dreams -- Bad or Otherwise

My father loved to dream.  He always said his dreams were vivid and exciting and gave him great ideas -- the artistic mind, I suppose.  I wasn't so fond of my dreams.  I had a tendency toward one particular recurrent dream that I found frightening as a child.  My parents and I -- and the cat -- were standing at the curb watching the house burn down.  I had that dream regularly until I was 19 when the house did burn down.  I never had the dream again.

It has been years since I have had anything remotely close to a recurrent dream until last night.  Sometime in the past I dreamed about my parents and in the dream I hadn't seen them in a long, long time so I went to their house to see them.  When I went into the house (which was my childhood home, the one that burned down) my dad was sitting at the dining room table shirtless (which was his norm) and my mother was a bit disheveled and ill -- she was crying.  They were in a big mess.  They had no food, the bills hadn't been paid, the house needed repair -- they hadn't done anything since my last visit which was long ago.  He said they were waiting for me to come and bring food but they didn't know when I would be there.  I was upset and trying to figure out how I could take care of them, I felt guilty and despairing.

I had the same dream last night. 

I took care of my parents through both of their illnesses and deaths and I thought I did a pretty good job considering I had a traveling husband and two school age children as well.  I did my best but was my best good enough?  Are they telling me I failed them somehow? 

It was disturbing and has left me very grumbly this morning.  I didn't sleep well and now I have this hanging in my subconscious.

I have had what I think are visitation dreams.  Now, I am sure that as a Christian I am not supposed to believe in such things but those dreams were different and fulfilled the definition of "visitation dream".  This was not that.  This was just plain disturbing and I am still shaking about it.

Then, when I just about got settled into a dreamless sleep the phone rang and woke me up. 

Now I am just in a bad mood.

Has anybody else had recurrent dreams?  Visitation dreams?  Opinions?