Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Dreams -- Bad or Otherwise

My father loved to dream.  He always said his dreams were vivid and exciting and gave him great ideas -- the artistic mind, I suppose.  I wasn't so fond of my dreams.  I had a tendency toward one particular recurrent dream that I found frightening as a child.  My parents and I -- and the cat -- were standing at the curb watching the house burn down.  I had that dream regularly until I was 19 when the house did burn down.  I never had the dream again.

It has been years since I have had anything remotely close to a recurrent dream until last night.  Sometime in the past I dreamed about my parents and in the dream I hadn't seen them in a long, long time so I went to their house to see them.  When I went into the house (which was my childhood home, the one that burned down) my dad was sitting at the dining room table shirtless (which was his norm) and my mother was a bit disheveled and ill -- she was crying.  They were in a big mess.  They had no food, the bills hadn't been paid, the house needed repair -- they hadn't done anything since my last visit which was long ago.  He said they were waiting for me to come and bring food but they didn't know when I would be there.  I was upset and trying to figure out how I could take care of them, I felt guilty and despairing.

I had the same dream last night. 

I took care of my parents through both of their illnesses and deaths and I thought I did a pretty good job considering I had a traveling husband and two school age children as well.  I did my best but was my best good enough?  Are they telling me I failed them somehow? 

It was disturbing and has left me very grumbly this morning.  I didn't sleep well and now I have this hanging in my subconscious.

I have had what I think are visitation dreams.  Now, I am sure that as a Christian I am not supposed to believe in such things but those dreams were different and fulfilled the definition of "visitation dream".  This was not that.  This was just plain disturbing and I am still shaking about it.

Then, when I just about got settled into a dreamless sleep the phone rang and woke me up. 

Now I am just in a bad mood.

Has anybody else had recurrent dreams?  Visitation dreams?  Opinions?


Frugally challenged said...

I’m going to put on my vicaring hat and tell you to stop fretting!

Let’s look at this. The dream was about a time when you could not possibly have been responsible for your parents’ well-being. You were a child and if there were things which were wrong they were not your responsibility. The contrast between that period of your (and their) lives and the period when you could and did take responsibility could not be stronger.

Every child feels guilty about things which may or may not be going wrong around them. You may have picked up “vibes” when you were a child and that’s what’s recurring now. Childhood is an oddly “selfish” time – children often think they are responsible when there is tension between their parents and that’s because their worlds are so self-centred. They just don’t understand!

So come out of that bad mood! You can affect today and the effect can be good or bad. You had the privilege of making your parents final few years good. I cannot believe that two loving people (as your parents have otherwise come across in your posts) would want to make you so unhappy - can you?

Boyett-Brinkley said...

Thank you, Mary! No, they wouldn't want to make me unhappy. I really have no idea what prompted the dream but I sure didn't like it. Each time I dream a dream like this is it that fact that I haven't seen them in a long time seems to be at the forefront. Maybe I am just missing them.

Pom Pom said...

I have had stressy dreams about trying to get everyone organized to catch a boat.
I think you are remembering the privilege of caring for your parents and also remembering the difficulty.

Boyett-Brinkley said...

Hi, Pom Pom ... don't know what brought it on but it has made me sad all day. I was trying desperately to solve their problems but what stood out is that it had been such a long time since I had seen them. I hope I don't have it again tonight!